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GIJanee
"I have to fix everything I broke in my life.. And it's forcing me to break it all, all over again."
My URL: http://www.depressiontribe.com/GIJanee

JOB: Student
SMOKE: No
DRINK: No
RELIGION: Prefer not disclose
ORIENTATION: Straight
DATING STATUS: Single
MEMBER SINCE: January 24, 2014
POINTS: [ 302 ]
GENDER: Female
LOCATION: Missouri, United States
AGE: 18
VIEWS: 121
STAR SIGN: Libra
LAST LOGIN: 04.14.14


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I'm 18, and a freshman in college.
I feel like I don't deserve to say I'm depressed because I haven't been abused, raped, robbed, or anything like that. Sometimes it seems like my problems are so minor compared to everyone else's.
I was raised as a family lover. We always moved around a lot, so I never had a chance to really find a best friend. Until 7 years ago. Met a friend in 6th grade and we've been close ever since. Then I had a guy best friend for about 4 years. I think he disappeared off the Earth because I haven't heard from him in months.-_-
The only person I really ever got to call a best friend is my sister. She's two years older than me, and we're super close. Well, we used to be. Ever since we got an apartment together, everything changed. She met a guy that's threatened her, blackmailed her, caused her to flunk out of college, and tried to ruin her already crappy relationship with our parents. She's told me how tired of him she was, but he refused to let her leave. Now she's convinced love is worth losing your insanity. And your family.
She's explained to me that she's okay with putting him before me. Even though I have been with her through 2 really bad relationships in which one, she was raped.
I was in love before, but he cheated and left me with a real harsh taste of reality. From then on, I sucked with my choices of guys. I was done over again by another guy. My last try was with my best guy friend of 4 years. But things got too tricky and now I’m just done with relationships. I’ll be career driven, I don’t mind it. I don’t trust in love. It doesn’t seem to ever work out. I’ve been hurt too bad to ever think of trying again.
I’m losing my family one by one, and my best friend. I’m watching my parents go broke trying to pay for our apartment, and it seems like I’m the only one who cares. I’d give anything to repay them the thousands of dollars they’ve spent for us.
About 6 months ago, my mom, sister, and I were in a car accident. The car was totaled, but luckily we were alive. My mom hurt her back in it (a few years ago she broke her back in another accident), my sister came out with just a scratch on her scalp, and I ended up straining my neck. Unlike most strains, mine didn’t go away after a few weeks. Or months. 6 months later, I’m going to physical therapy for my neck, and I’m on medication.
I’ve cut myself, and tried small overdoses to see if they’d hurt too much. Each day I’m here, I think about upping the dosage.
I’ve tried acting like nothing’s wrong, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m losing my mind, and my patience. And I’m sick of always being in pain. I’m 18 and the doctors already told me I’d probably ended having a strain in my neck for the rest of my life.
Seriously?
I have no friends in college yet because I’ve always kind of been bad at making new friends when there’s hundreds of people around. So all I do, everyday, is sit in my room, with my door closed because she’s either having sex with him in his car, her room, making out on the couch, or with him in the living room. I can’t be around her anymore. The sight of her disgusts me. So I stay secluded.
I rarely eat anymore. Either it’s because I’m not hungry, or the sight of food makes me nauseous when I am hungry.
So while she’s enjoying her days, I do nothing but worry about what would happen if our parents call and she’s not here? What if our parents decide to surprise us here, and my sister’s boytoy is here? My parents think we are so happy. Why? Because she’s told them we are. I can’t tell them the truth out of fear of shedding light on her relationship. And I worry about my parent’s financial situation. I worry about my neck and never being able to enjoy a single car-ride because of the pain.
Most nights I go to sleep from crying or medication for headaches and pain. No matter what I do, I can’t find any relief. Everything just keeps adding up.
I’m tired of being told I’m stupid or making this all up. I’m tired of being stressed out to the point of never eating. I hate the scars on my arm. I’m sick of watching everyone else ignore all these problems. Why does it seem like I’m the only one that has to deal with this?
I just take hit after hit. It never stops. Even now.



Relief is anything but near whenever I need it the most.



Playing Guitar, anything musical, fresh air, watching gamer videos.

Rapid Change, constant arguing, over-dramatizing, anything that crawls with more than 4 legs, or none.



[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]



SHOWING LAST 5 of 9 ENTRIES [ VIEW ALL 9 ]
From: delane
February 9, 2014, 9:48 am
Never a problem, my friend!!! *hugs Keep on truckin...unless you're broke down, in which case you'll need some assistance....so, make use of it!!! ;) (try to have some fun w/it...lol) t/c, hun!!!

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'We are all in the same game; Just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different levels.'
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From: delane
February 9, 2014, 7:00 am
Hey!!!!! How's it goin?????

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'We are all in the same game; Just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different levels.'
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February 2, 2014, 8:42 pm
Thanks for the happy birthday :)

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'And no wonder, for even Satan disguised himself as an angel of light.' 2 Corinthians 11:14
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From: delane
February 2, 2014, 2:50 pm
Thanks so much for the message! You're funny, btw!!!! We just got back in from 'hiking' across the street---snowing all day!!! But, all good!!!! :)

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'We are all in the same game; Just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different levels.'
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January 30, 2014, 2:44 pm
Welcome to DT

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Coexisting with mental illness
Activity:



Pop, Kpop, some country.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians (series).

Percy Jackson & the Olympians, The Hobbit, Parker, Safe, anything with Jason Statham.

Playing Guitar, Motocross, music.

April 3, 2014, 5:04 pm


March 12, 2014, 6:05 pm
March 10, 2014, 8:27 pm
February 28, 2014, 8:11 pm



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