Depression Tribe

First off, I have HIV. I have depression and anxiety (had those most of my life). It is under control sometimes, but I still have some serious bouts where I just hide away for a couple days, just feel disconnected from everything and everyone, even myself. People that DON'T have depression don't get that and it's frustrating, they think this or that will "get me out of it", it doesn't WORK that way when I'm in a really down place! I have a GREAT counselor, she knows me better than I know myself! I think she's tapped my cell phone, lol. So that helps. But I know it's been there since I was about 9 and I will have it the rest of my life. No magic wand to POOF it away. I can 4 other family members also have diagnosed depression so it's genetic + has been situationally aggravated in my case. I did attemp suicide a LONG time ago,& tried to knock myself out for a couple days, now I never would because of my sons!!! & family. Part Italian Scorpio. Mom to 2 boys I LOVE LOVE LOVE! Best "things" that have ever happened to me. They are good "kids", see a big change from late teens to 26 and almost 23, they really know themselves and what they want out of life and they stick to it (something I tried to instill, I will take credit for that). I hate them worrying about me (especially my youngest, we've always been especially close) so I try to keep myself as healthy as I can, and if I do a huge nosedive, I tell someone else, that's what counselors, etc. are for. I have a big heart, (maybe that's why I'm not big busted lol) good listener, diplomat. But don't f**k with me!!! MEN:I grew up with 3 evil brothers (they're not now, they're buried right here in my backyard, j/k!). Very assertive with men DUE to dealing with my brothers, a marriage 3 long term relationships, not SLAMMING men here, just how I am, my own experiences, even within the last year on MySpace a MAJOR freak, he was slick, even the detective admitted that (tried a Romeo counterfeit money order scam) etc. I think when they see or hear the Italian Scorpio they want to run or hide *wink*. I can be very outgoing and aggressive, or shy and withdrawn. I can be very witty, LOVE to have fun! That's why if I can avoid a nosedive I'm ok-I enjoy all this, if depression takes over NOTHING is funny. No nosedive for awhile (knock on wood), maybe never will again but I'm a realist, my dad has serious health problems, not ready for him to go!!! if he did I'd be soooooooooo down. Or if something happened to my sons, etc.

Living, loving, learning. Music, reading, the Internet (MySpace ADDICT, not just for fun, alot of causes I'm involved into, one is online petition to change child abuse laws, ANYTHING online to help others-children with cancer, missing persons, etc. helping others when I can). The outdoors (when I'm up to it) family (when I'm up to it *smile*, we laugh so much they wear me out). Obviously, my life right now is pretty much homebound for many reasons, I did go to Sunriver on family vacation which was great. Going camping before summer is over!!!

Rudeness, narcissists, greedy people, users, power mongers, status seekers, fakes. Cig smoke (causes my sinus to flip), but amazingly, pot smoke doesn't do that!!! GUM POPPING MAKES ME CRAZY lalalala...Also sociopaths and serial killers, they are BIGGEST dislikes!!!

CALL IT HEAVY METAL NOIZE!!! And rock-n-roll. I think my MySpace list has over 300 bands/musicians!!! FAV bands:AC/DC, AS I LAY DYING, saw 3 times, kickass music and nice guys. ARSIS-incredible metal from the East Coast. Ceremonial Castings, less than 70 miles, Black metal SUPREME. DEICIDE!!! Don't care for all the lyrics but they are INTENSE they'll blow your shorts off.the Human Abstract-they combine amazing vocals with keyboards & beautiful guitar, Job for a Cowboy-I predicted they would hit status of where AILD was at same point in time, they're awesome (haven't seen them live) (want to see them live too). Loathe whom I've helped promote online kickass unique sound with Pantera type intensity. Really into it now due to MySpace, metal bands oozing out of the walls. Rock n roll in general-the oldies like Buddy Holly to Southern to glam to Black and Death Metal. Also blues, some jazz, reggae, Madonna, Tupac, Eminem, Hank Patsy and Johnny.
Otherwise no crap/country don't get me started.

The Bible! I don't agree with everything, but there is some very inspirational and wise advice there. Ann Rule-true crime Queen. I can read her books over and over, so detailed. Spanish for Dummies, Piano for Dummies. All the humor leftovers from my dad when he's done-the Far Side!!! Also biographys, geography, the Almanac (some cool facts there), some feng shui, psychology, anything that helps to explain life!!!

Comedy (Scary Movie 2/3/4, my niece and I could watch them nonstop), horror/suspense-Halloween, Signs, Jason Jason Jason some action/comedy/drama other-Pirates (Johnny Depp, DAMN!!!), Beverly Hills Cop to Jackie Chan, Rapid Fire, anything with Tommy Lee Jones, Samuel L Jackson Morgan Freeman George Clooney. Some drama-In the Bedroom, anything with Anthony Hopkins. Not into sci-fi or adventure.

Music (mainly metal, discovered black metal and when I need the darkest that's where I go), LOVE to go to concerts if I'm up to it also helping to promote 2 bands on MySpace, that's a blast), my 22 yr old is a metalhead getting into it (hopefully SOON) professionally can't wait! We share that passion it's awesome. Reading....Ann Rule/true crime, she is just a genius, such insight and analytical skills. Also trying to relearn Spanish and piano!!! Might take 10 years. Helping others...pretty much online things, children with cancer especially. The outdoors-fishing(not often anymore), camping, the outdoors. Anything to do with HUMOR. My sense of humor was actually mentioned in a job performance evaluation!!! (A positive thing, whew).
Used to snow ski, still love the snow.

Christian Warriors