My name is Joshua. I've struggled with anxiety disorders since childhood and have been diagnosed with an array of anxiety disorders, depression and ptsd. My coping mechanism has always been to isolate and that generally relives the depression and constant anxiety.
I spent nearly all of age 12 through 22 agoraphobic and only leaving my home for things like seeing a therapist. After leading a somewhat "normal" life from age 23 to 28 I no longer felt I could maintain that and I went on ssi disability in mid 2010. Since going on disability I have not worked and rarely left my home.
I don't see myself ever feeling capable of leaving this comfort zone that I've gotten myself into. I'm very happy with how my life is, but I know when change inevitable comes it will be more than a challenge for me to adapt. Baby steps are wonderful and I would much like to baby step through my entire life, but unfortunately the real world requires leaps and that is something I want no part of.
"Thinking of the stars night after night I begin to realize "The stars are words"
and all the innumerable worlds in the Milky Way are words, and so is this world too.
And I realize that no matter where I am, whether in a little room full of thought,
or in this endless universe of stars and mountains, it's all in my mind."
Talking (when I can get the words out)
Every type of fruit
Thunder & lightning
Being near the ocean
:Myself, my fears, insecurities, anxiety, depression, irrational thinking, etc...
:Keeping myself so isolated.
[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]
:"The Invisible Partners" by John A Sanford
:"The Proud Highway" by Hunter S Thompson
:"On Language" by Noam Chomsky
:"The Western Lands" by William S Burroughs
:"Art & Physics" by Leonard Shlain
:"The Diaries of Adam and Eve" by Mark Twain
Hunter S Thompson
Zora Neale Hurston
William S Burroughs
Pramoedya Ananta Toer
:Every film by Shuji Terayama
:Every film/doc by Chris Marker
:Fear & Loathing in LV
:Farewell to the Ark
:Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
:In the Mood for Love
:Lady In The Water
:Mary and Max
:What About Bob
:Benny & Joon
:This Is Spinal Tap