I am now a Building Inspector/Consultant for the public sector and cover England, Scotland and Wales with the added stress of doing a diploma in Risk Management. What was i thinking. I work myself into the ground and always feel that i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I hope that i am a decent man as i strive to uphold the old values that were beaten into me as a child and to respect others no matter what they treat me like. I very much care how people see me as a person, what i am within. I strive to be liked although i push people away because of my very high and lows. I am my own worst enemy and are very alone in this world due to me pushing people and friends away so i cannot feel sorry for myself, it is all my fault. I have suffered depression since childhood for one reason or another, on many different types of medication from the easy to take Lithium and imipromine (not)to you name it, without existing naturally or normaly and lots of time talking to nodding shrinks in hospitals for the manic depressant or complete looney who dont seem to have a clue about these ailments or how to talk properly to someone.
I have tried to take my own life many times from the cowardly wrist jobs to the taking of tablets without any success, due to what i can only sumise as someone wanting me to suffer for a little bit longer in life.
Worst of all, i hate that i feel like this and that i am feeling sorry for myself so much.
I am alone without any friends because of my depression and are even now with the thoughts that will never go away of an easier life on the other side. I mean, who will miss me, i am only a number in this world and will be easily forgotten....

Your Depression Level: 100%

You seem to be severely depressed. You should seek immediate attention from your physician. Depression can be cured - you just need to take the first step.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

You Are a Great Listener

You are the perfect person to talk to. You are patient, empathetic, and encouraging. You provide subtle, but important, feedback. You let people say everything that needs to be said before you weigh in.

You Are 70% Left Brained, 30% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Your Social Anxiety Level: 84%

You have extreme social anxiety. Your social phobia is a serious problem for you, and you definitely need help. And while getting help may seem very scary, it's your only choice... except for hermitude!

In 1974 (the year you were born)

Gerald Ford becomes president of the US Hank Aaron hits his 715th home run to beat Babe Ruth's record Impeachment hearings are opened against President Nixon by the House Judiciary Committee President Nixon resigns President Gerald Ford issues an unconditional pardon to ex-President Nixon for all federal crimes Muhammad Ali knocks out George Foreman in the eighth round to regain the heavyweight crown in Zaire Heiress Patty Hearst is kidnapped by and eventually joins the Symbionese Liberation Army Dungeons & Dragons officially released People magazine is published for the first time Kate Moss, Alyson Hannigan, Penelope Cruz, Alanis Morissette, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Ryan Seacrest are born Oakland Athletics win the World Series Miami Dolphins win Superbowl VIII Philadelphia Flyers win the Stanley Cup Blazing Saddles is the top grossing film All the President's Men by Bernstein and Woodward is published "Killing Me Softly With His Song" wins Grammy for song of the year

What Richard Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

My likes have now changed due to some fantastic friends that i have made on DT..... I love all my DT friends and i wish everyone who passes by all the best and good luck in your fight against your various ailments..... My favourite likes is most definately my son. I just wish his father was not such a moody, useless incapable idiot who obviousely cannot deal with this world. What a role model i think (Not).

That i cannot be normal and have confidence like most people i know and work with. That i cannot just walk over people which seems to be the norm although i'd never want too as i will not take the easy route. And that i worry and care about everyone else and forget that i also exist sometimes. I really just dislike myself. Sorry

Radiohead, Queens Of The Stone Age, Metalica, Korn, Beck, Creed, Muse, The Damned, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Inxs....

All Stephen King books and any Biography. Black Hole (A Poem) When there is a single thought that just keeps going round, that draws all others in to it, then this rumination's bound to form a singularity. Others gravitate to the weight of this single thought unable to escape despite knowing that they ought to flee the singularity. In spectacular collision two spiralling thoughts may create a rare and fleeting fancy that might just avoid a fate within the singularity. It ascends. It aspires. It struggles against the pull. To which it eventually succumbs. The all powerful and consuming singularity. Leaving just a single thought going round and round bending all lighter thoughts to itself in a way that's bound to perpetuate the singularity. ©Adam Rulli-Gibbs 2002 - 2006

Pitch Black, Chronicles of Riddick, Alien vs Predator, Resident Evil, Night Watch, Matrix, Underworld, Silent Hill, Constantine, Falling Down, Hitman.

Reading, computing, education, my son, cuddling..

Rational irrationale	Self Harm
Radiohead	Tattoo's & inspired art