My name is Ian Young. I am currently 17 years old (in case I never update this, this was written in 2013). I'm putting that out there because no one who knows me will ever find this. I am going through a long and severe episode of depression and it's slowly killing me.
My situation is complicated, but I know for sure I'm not the only one in this situation. Basically, I'm having trouble recovering because I'm forcing myself to be this way... sort of. Whenever I start to feel better, I tell myself "this isn't right" and go right back to the bad stuff. But I don't do it on purpose. The best way I can explain it is:
"I feel like I want to be depressed, but I wish I didn't feel like I want to be depressed."
Confusing as sh*t, right?
EDIT (Jan 6 2014): Things have gotten unbelievably better since I created my account. That whole weird thing is gone, and my depression is a lot more typical and a lot less persistent. Keep reading and I explain why it got better.
Anyway, let me explain some stuff on my profile.
First of all, I listed my religion as other. This is only because "agnostic" isn't on the list. And yes, I am constantly getting sh*t from everyone for being agnostic.
Up until a while ago, my relationship status was "hopelessly in love". I thought I was in love with a girl who didn't have any feelings for me. I almost killed myself over her. It's not her fault, she just didn't feel the same way. Now we're just friends. If you need anymore detail, I have like 5 or 6 forum posts about it.
But about a month ago (writing this in August 2013) I met someone who changed my life. She has singlehandedly taken me out of the pit I was in and turned me into a better person. She doesn't have depression, but she's had a rough childhood and I'm amazed at how she fought through it all. We support each other through the hard parts. I finally know what it's like to love someone and to be loved back.
I met her at a summer program, so it's a long distance relationship for the moment. Things are going very well. My depression only came back because I came back home.
So... yeah. Me in a nutshell.
ANOTHER EDIT: Nine months and counting! Rachel is still continuing to make my life better every day. I still have no clue how I ended up with someone so amazing.