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VinterSjel
" “ραяαησια ιѕ נυѕт тнє вαѕтαя∂ cнιℓ∂ σƒ ƒєαя αη∂ gσσ∂ ѕєηѕє.''ρøøƦ †hιπĝ. lε†'$ αδøρ† ι†, ĝιυε ι† α lα$† παʍε απδ Ʀαι$ε ι† Ʀιĝh†.' 'уσυ ωαηт тσ gєт ιт α ρυρρу, тσσ؟' '$uƦε. ωε'll cαll ι† ραπιc. ι† απδ l醆lε ραƦαπøια cαπ ρlαψ †øĝε†hεƦ α† †hε ραƦκ απδ $cαƦε †hε hεll øu† øŦ αll †hε ø†hεƦ κιδ$.” ─ [ᴅ.ᴅ. ʙᴀʀᴀɴᴛ ] "
My URL: http://www.depressiontribe.com/VinterSjel

JOB: N/A
SMOKE: No
DRINK: Socially
RELIGION: Christian
ORIENTATION: Straight
DATING STATUS: Single
MEMBER SINCE: November 5, 2013
POINTS: [ 175 ]
GENDER: Female
LOCATION: Germany
AGE: 20
VIEWS: 184
STAR SIGN: Cancer
LAST LOGIN: 02.06.14


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●▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬O:ஜ۩✞۩ஜ:O▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ●

The hand full of aces, but life plays chess !

●▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬O:ஜ۩✞۩ஜ:O▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ●

I’m a young woman, at least that’s what they say, “You’re young, your life lies in front of you.”
But I’m not feeling young, I’m feeling too old for the little things I reached so far.
When I think back to when I’ve been younger, that wasn’t what I expected for the time when I’m twenty years old.
I’m searching for a way to get back to the road I lost some time ago, but I can’t see it.
Searching for a place where I belong, begging to get out of this misery.
But I’m not able to.
I’m blinded by my bitterness and my mistrust, by my fears and by my desires.
I’m haunted by my past, my demand of being perfect and my ambition to reach a high level.
Caught in my thoughts which keep me thinking; and desperate to feel even a little piece of happiness in my life.
Completely unable to break out of this.
Sometimes I wish I could fly away.
But where should I go ?
There is nowhere to go, no one to turn to.
Doesn’t matter - I want to break these chains and be free.

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When I wander around, walking through the streets of the cities, I watch the people as if it would be a movie.
I analyse society, I analyse things to much in general, and what I see makes me mad, but I don’t want to turn my eyes away.
I don’t want to ignore it like everyone else seems to do.
Everything around me seems to be screwed up and messed up.
My whole trust and believe in humankind is leaving me piece by piece, there isn’t much left anymore.
Sometimes I can’t get rid of the feeling that humankind is bad, a hateful and envy species, not able to be just good and nice to each other and simply get along.
And then I think, maybe it’s me who’s the most sick – an odd and mad girl thinking in a negative way about so many things, about nearly everything, totally alone and unable to see the bright and sunny side.
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I do spend a lot of time with thinking about the society and the whole world, I enter a lot of discussions and I like to philosophy.
I’m not a huge friend of the 21st century and technology like smart phones and similar things.
Instead of that I love everything old.
Old architecture, old fashioned and traditional things, antiquaries and a lot more.
Furthermore, when I’m not writing, reading or drawing, I go to the forest with my dog, enjoying nature and disappearing in the fantasy world in my head.
I love to create stories and escape to my fantasy from this cruel world and my empty dark life.
The word loner would describe me pretty well I think – I’m alone most of the time and sometimes I feel more comfortable without anyone.
But I wish I would be more sociable and be able to keep contacts for a long time.
All things considered I’m more of the rational type of person, alone , depressed and embittered.
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Beside that I’m honest, loyal, trustworthy, a good listener, creative and maybe a little nerdy.
Also a damn perfectionist who can get totally euphoric !
Oh and I don’t like when that happens, because if this idea or the plan I had fails I fall even deeper than before I became this euphoric about an idea.
I’m a polite and friendly person, also quite open- minded.
And I like everyone who is respectful and nice towards me.
I always appreciate good conversations .
If anyone likes to write to me, feel free to do so, I’m always happy about new, good and nice contacts.
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Friendly,honest and open-minded people, loyalty, fairness, old architecture, Barock, cultures, nature, snow, winter, books, libraries, tea

Hypocrites, tyrants, lies, people who can't accept different opinions, rude and respectless people,tomatoes



[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]



SHOWING LAST 5 of 24 ENTRIES [ VIEW ALL 24 ]
From: Bernie_
February 7, 2014, 2:02 am
Hey Vinter, I hope your week has gone well and now it's about the weekend so I hope it's a very good one for you. Yes, I suppose seeing your therapist might be a bit upsetting for a while. It's going to bring back some memories that you probably don't really want to visit but, maybe it will help. I think all too often in our life things go wrong and we don't deal with them properly at the time so it manifests itself in our life. Maybe bringing out those things and finding a way to deal with them one at a time might help. I'm really sorry you had such a bad experience with the "Fluoxetin". It is a little strange that it didn't have any side effect for a while and then all of a sudden a bad reaction. It sounds like you had a really bad reaction too. :( I hope you can get through your depression without medication but, I really hope you won't totally give up the option of trying another medication if your depression gets worse. With most of the anti-depressant medications, your doctor should start you on a low dose. Probably not enough to help your depression too much but enough to find out if you are going to have reactions and then increase it a little at a time until it starts helping. I'm sure you know that there are other things you can do on your own to help your depression. Depression is strange, it either goes up or goes down. Sometimes you can do things that will help just a little and gives you the power to do a little more to help yourself. I know when my depression has been very low, I've done things that I know will make my depression worse. I don't know why I would do that but I did. I would do things that would bring back memories. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. Your family doggie sounds lovely. I had never heard of a Havanese so I looked it up on the web. What a beautiful little doggie! It sounds like they are very good companions. Yes, we do have 2 dogs now. One is a Black Labrador/Golden Retriever mixed dog and is now a little over 10 years old. The other dog, I'm not sure what breed it is. It was a stray dog that needed a home. I think he is a mix of "Jack Russel" and some other kind of Terrior. Both are just very loving dogs. There are a couple pictures of my dogs in my gallery. I don't know what makes people want to be cruel to animals and make them suffer. Those are the same people that try to make other people suffer. The good thing is that it's a small percentage of people. A very large percentage of people enjoy animals and treat them well.

I want to let you know that I'm going to be gone for a little holiday. We are going to England this weekend for one week. I should have internet most days so will still get on DT most days. If you write to me (and I certainly hope you do), I will do my best to write back although it might be a bit shorter. I just won't have as much time on the computer. I hope you have a wonderful weekend my friend! Hugs, Bernie

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From: Bernie_
February 1, 2014, 1:23 pm
Hi Vinter, I like your new "avatar" picture :) and, I love the new background picture on your page, it's BEAUTIFUL! I'm happy for you that your feeling a bit better than you were in December. Does seeing your therapist seem to help you? I don't blame you for stop taking the medication if it was giving you really bad side effects. The very first anti-depressant I was put on (Paxil) did that to me also. I couldn't sleep at night and would go to work and almost couldn't stay awake. The next night I could hardly sleep again. I took it for 2 weeks and told my doctor I couldn't take it any longer. She put me on a different medication (Wellbutrin) and it worked well for me. I think you should tell your doctor and they can try a different medication. Might have to try a couple different ones to find one that works for you. Just like depression is different for all of us, different medication acts differently on all of us also. In reading what you wrote about yourself, you mention being in the forest with your dog. What kind of dog do you have? I love dogs because they are always there for you and happy to see you. I read the blog you wrote this morning. It saddens me that you are going through so much my friend, that you are going through such torture. I hope your therapist can help you work through all these thoughts. Yes, I care. My depression has also gotten much worse in the last few days and I had been doing pretty well. I know I'm going to have to do something to turn it back around soon. Besides having major depression, I also have S.A.D. so this time of year is normally worse for me. I hope your weekend has been going well. Take care my friend and warm wishes to you always, Bernie

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From: Eric0620
February 1, 2014, 6:34 am
Hello VinterSjel - I'm glad to hear your Christmas and New Years were nice, but sorry that ever since then that it has been horrible. :( I often wonder how much of a factor this time of year is --- I've heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (ironically, SAD). Not saying that you nor I have it. Yes, the lack of motivation can be almost paralytic. I never use to be that way before, and it's disturbing. I hope and pray you have relief from this horrible thing you are enduring. Take care, VinterSjel.

Seien Sie gut, mein Freund.

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My life is a mistake and I am alive against my will.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
Depression is the second silent killer.
'But all the vacancy the words revealed is the only real thing that I've got left to feel' - Linkin Park, Somewhere I Belong
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From: Bernie_
January 29, 2014, 10:59 pm
Hi Vinter, SO good to hear from you again. I was afraid that maybe you wouldn't come back to DT. :( DON'T feel sorry for not replying sooner. You can only do what you feel up to my friend. Sorry to hear that you've had some hard times as well as conflicts over Christmas. I hope that is now past and that you are doing much better. I am glad to hear that you had a nice Christmas Eve. My Christmas and New Years was..... "ok", nothing special. I love Christmas trees also but sadly, we didn't have one this year. I'm very happy for you that you have found a therapist and I really hope they are able to help you. I can't remember if you told me or not if your on medication for your depression. I was on anti-depressants for many, many years and I quit taking them a couple years ago. They did help me though for some years. I understand your problems with keeping social contacts at times. Please, don't judge yourself negative for that. Many other people have some sort of mental issues as well so some of it may be their problem. You just have to keep trying till you find the friends that are compatible to you. Also, try to be careful not to ignore them ever. I know sometimes with our depression, it's easy to get where you don't want to talk to anyone. Some people that don't understand depression may take that as a sign that you don't care anymore and leave you. Awwww..... you'll hear back from me anytime you write. :) I hope your week has been going well. Take care and warm wishes, Bernie

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From: Eric0620
January 29, 2014, 4:57 pm
Hi VinterSjel - no worries at all, my friend. I understand. I haven't had much motivation at all myself, but with everything. Yes, my Christmas and New Year's was wonderful, thanks, and I hope yours was, too. I hope and pray you feel better soon! Take care and God Bless! Always, Eric

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My life is a mistake and I am alive against my will.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
Depression is the second silent killer.
'But all the vacancy the words revealed is the only real thing that I've got left to feel' - Linkin Park, Somewhere I Belong
Activity:



Almost everything !
It doesn't depend on the genre.








Favourite authors:
J.K Rowling
Bernard Cornwell
Heinz G. Konsalik
Lindsey Kelk


I like series and cartoons better than movies.
And I don't really watch many movies in general.
But when I do, I watch movies with a historic background or anything which has to do with social criticism, those are interesting.
Beside that I love Comedy. Yes, I like Comedy, sometimes I can't believe it myself.





Writing, reading, drawing, RPing, going for walks, swimming
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I just love the movie Thor and Lamas with hats x'D
So I had to put it somewhere.






February 1, 2014, 9:01 am


December 6, 2013, 5:28 pm
November 26, 2013, 12:14 pm
November 14, 2013, 10:22 am
November 7, 2013, 2:29 pm



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