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3/8/13
after
a
huge
blowout
with
my
mom
yesterday
i
finally
attended
my
first
alanon
meeting.
ive
been
meaning
to
go
for
months
but
she
has
always
drawn
me
back
in
and
made
me
think
everything
is
okay
again
so
i
forgot
and
never
ended
up
going.
i
felt
out
of
place,
the
whole
thing
was
them
wanting
me
to
claim
powerlessnes
to
god.
now
i
am
spiritual,
but
i
do
not
claim
or
pray
to
any
specific
deity,
so
that
makes
me
uncomfortable,
second
it
was
just
me
and
my
friend
whos
father
was
an
alcoholic,
sitting
there
listening
to
everyone
tell
stories
about
how
bad
things
used
to
be,
but
they
are
trying
to
be
better
now,
and
one
man
had
been
an
attendee
for
40
years
but
other
than
sobriety
he
didnt
seem
to
have
achieved
any
enlightenment
or
real
progress,
all
these
people
just
seem
to
be
living
in
the
past,
and
they
dont
appear
to
have
really
been
helped,
i
understand
how
the
support
can
feel
nice
to
know
you
arent
alone,
but
it
felt
to
me
like
they
were
transferring
their
co-dependance
on
the
alcoholic
in
their
lives
over
to
the
group
or
god.
im
not
powerless,
and
i
dont
want
to
be
or
feel
like
a
victim.
i
am
the
only
one
who
can
stop
me. i
only
have
to
survive
for
two
more
months,
i
was
going
to
leave
immediately,
i
had
already
contacted
and
set
up
2
places
to
stay
by
the
time
i
met
with
my
dad
and
he
wants
me
to
stay
until
i
had
planned
to
move
out
in
may.
he
is
such
a
good
person,
i
feel
bad
that
he
always
gets
caught
in
the
middle
of
the
chaos,
but
my
mother
just
acts
like
a
child,
i
shouldnt
be
the
one
having
to
parent
and
tell
her
to
calm
down
and
lower
her
voice
so
we
can
speak
like
adults,
no
she
screams
something
offensive
and
slams
the
door
to
get
her
last
word
like
a
prepubescent
child.
yesterday
for
the
first
time
in
5
years
i
screamed
at
her,
i
told
her
i
couldnt
handle
this
anymore,
i
can
no
longer
be
her
emotional
caregiver
becasue
she
cant
handle
her
booze,
my
dad
thinks
that
just
because
she
switched
from
hard
liquor
to
wine
that
its
no
longer
a
problem..
but
he
isnt
there,
he
doesnt
see
what
i
see
and
i
wish
that
he
did
so
we
could
get
her
the
help
she
needs
to
heal.
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