Getting a Little Nervous
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By:
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sadviolinist
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Mood:
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Don't know
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Date:
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Jan 06, 2013
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Music:
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None
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It
hasn't
been
one
of
my
best
days,
but
not
one
of
my
worst
either.
For
once
I
slept
through
the
whole
night
without
waking!
It
was
an
amazing
feelingto
wake
up
to
sun
streaming
through
the
windows
instead
of
the
blackness
of
night.
I
actually
slept
until
almost
10
this
morning.
Hopefully
tonight
will
be
a
repeat
performance.
We
went
out
geocaching
again
today
and
found
3
out
of
the
4
caches
we
went
to.
My
son
accidentally
sat
on
a
cactus
(THAT
was
fun)
and
I
stepped
on
one.
I
forgot
how
much
those
hurt.
That
was
at
the
last
cache,
the
one
we
couldn't
find.
After
that
happened
we
left
for
home.
I
have
to
start
remembering
to
wear
sneakers
and
make
Zachary
wear
sneakers
too
when
wego.
I'ma
flip-flop
kind
of
girl
so
I
hate
wearing
shoes.
To
be
honest,
I
really
didn't
want
to
go
today.
I've
been
teary
all
day
and
my
husband
made
me
cry.
He
didn't
do
anything
wrong,
but
he
was
forcing
me
to
go
and
it
made
me
really
upset
and
angry.
Now
that
I
look
back
on
it
I
see
that
he
was
doing
the
right
thing
and
was
trying
to
help
me
~
but
at
the
time
I
felt
like
I
was
being
treated
like
a
child
again
and
it
made
me
furious.
We
stopped
at
a
park
so
Zachary
could
play.
I
ended
up
on
the
swings
and
after
a
few
moments
I
was
going
so
high
that
it
was
exhilarating,
and
I
WAS
a
kid
again,
loving
the
wind
in
my
face,
the
blue
sky
with
little
white
clouds,
the
cool
sand
beneath
my
feet.
For
a
couple
of
minutes
I
forgot
all
about
beingsick
with
a
mental
illness
and
was
freed
from
it.
When
I
stopped
I
felt
good
to
be
alive.
Maybe
I
should
start
making
solo
trips
to
the
park
just
to
get
on
the
swings.
:-)
I
need
to
wash
my
hair
tonight.
It
feels
gross.
I
feel
gross.
I
don't
know
when
the
last
time
I
shaved
my
legs
was
and
washed
my
hair.
I've
been
showering,
I
just
didn't
do
any
more
than
wash
my
body
and
face.
I'm
trying
to
make
myself
get
dressed
like
I'm
going
to
leave
the
house,
but
let's
just
say
that
plan
isn't
working
so
well.
It
seems
like
it's
pointless
unless
I
AM
going
somewhere.
I'd
much
rather
stay
in
my
pajamas.
I
got
some
laundry
finished,
and
then
there's
more
to
do
tomorrow.
Speaking
of
tomorrow,
it
will
be
my
son's
last
day
off
from
school.
Tuesday
he
goes
back.
I
have
no
idea
what
I'm
going
to
do
with
myself
without
him
home,
and
Aaron's
short
vacation
will
end
tomorrow
night
as
well.
I'm
going
to
be
alone,
and
that
scares
me.
I'm
not
sure
I
trust
myself
to
be
alone
yet.
I
get
a
little
freaked
out
when
there's
no
one
awake
with
me
during
the
day.
I
guess
I
should
make
a
list
of
things
I
can
do
with
my
free
time
besides
think.
That
might
help
me
keep
busyenough
to
keep
me
out
of
trouble.
Besides,
Zach
gets
home
at
2:45
p.m.
so
it's
only
5-6
hours
thathe's
gone.
And
if
I
really
need
someone,
Aaron's
downstairs
sleeping.
I
tryto
avoid
that
though;
he
needs
his
rest. I
guess
I
should
go.
I'm
happy
to
say
that
there
weren'tmany
suicidal
thoughts
today.
Still
wanted
to
cut
but
refused
to
let
myself
do
it.
I
hate
how
insistent
that
desire
is
~
but
I'm
not
giving
in. For
those
of
youthat
responded
to
my
lastblog
~
I
am
so
grateful
for
you
being
there
for
me
in
such
a
bad
time.
It's
sogood
to
have
friends
thatunderstand
what
I'm
goingthrough
without
me
havingto
explain
why.
Thank
you
again
for
everything.I
hope
each
of
you
is
having
agood
evening. (((HUGS)))
to
thosewho
wantone!
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