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Hard to imagine

By: SeatoSky
Mood: Mellow
Date: Feb 06, 2014
Music: None


I've never been able to visualize myself old. I've always imagined I wouldn't make it past fifty. It's sort of this instinctual knowing I've had inside. Maybe it's because I've been suicidal on and off for so many years. I assume that one of these dives downward will end up being too much to bear.

I also feel quite peaceful about this idea. Staring at death so often has made it a normal thought, not a scary one. If you are drop toyour knees and pray to die, chances are it's not your worst fear.

In fact, everytime I hear about some wonderful young person who tragically dies, someone who had so much going for them, I reoffer myself. Most of the time I feel to debilitated to make as much of a difference in this world as I would like to. It would be less of a loss.



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From: Andie372
February 6, 2014, 8:41 pm

I never thought I would get old either, yet here I am 51.  My suicide dance is mostly over, I hope, the benefit of getting age is experience and wisdom.



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