I'm so close to being done

By: TryingXAddicus
Mood: Tired
Date: Oct 02, 2013
Music: Mary Lambert~ She keeps me warm

I’m so sick of looking in the mirror and just feeling so ugly, and fat. I’m so jealous of other girls who are so pretty and skinny. I’m just, mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve cut so many times tonight. I was walking home today….and I seriously considered jumping into moving traffic…I don’t know what but right then, my mind just kept saying do it, do it. But, my body wouldn’t move. I haven’t actually eaten anything in about three days, except a piece of bread with some butter. Every morning I have that, to get me going, then the rest of the day, I drink water, and Green tea. I know my eating disorder is taking control again. My dad and I haven’t had a lot of time to spend together, because he’s working so much. Sometimes he gets free tickets to the theater from his job. He was offered some today and told me he’d take me to see a movie this weekend. And of course, my mother has to ruin it. I was so excited, and then she starts with “Oh, you’ll take her out but not me. Great, Brian. Good job.” You can tell he’s hurt….and she went on about it for an hour… then she starts on me and my sister, trying everything to make us feel bad. So finally, I just told my dad that a friend of mine invited me to her house and he can take her if he’d like. I was lying, harshly, but I was sick of it. I just don’t know how much more I can take.

I’m sorry I’m not good enough.