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My Story

By: unsuspected14
Mood: Don't know
Date: Mar 20, 2013
Music: None


Hello. New here, so I thought it best to go ahead and post my story. Well, I'm 14 obviously, fairly young. However, for the past 2 years or so, I've been struggling with my own inner darkness. Nobody knows any of this about me either. I suppose I've done well, keeping up my act. I appear happy, confident, and sure in who I am. When in fact I'm just the opposite. I have days when I'm happy, when I feel like everything is perfect. But then the feelings return. Feelings of empty, hurt, and pain. I don't let anybody know this, because nobody in my family has gone through what I'm feeling. There are some days I have to will myself to smile when I'm standing in the crowd. I have comtemplated harming myself. Somedays I'll stand still, holding a knife to my arm, considering the options. I haven't made the cut yet. To be honest I'm terrified that one day I will. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I have no reason to really. I have a loving mom and step-dad. Three amazing sisters, and I do well in school where I have many close friends. That doesn't stop me from crying, skipping meals every now and again, and writing down the thoughts that run through my head. I'm scared one day I'll hurt myself and someone when my sadness and anger builds up and I have to release it. Now that you all think I'm totally psychotic, hope you see why I joined. I decided it was time that somebody knew. Well, now you know.



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VIEWING 1 - 2 OUT OF 2 COMMENTS

March 21, 2013, 11:21 am
wow, I feel like we're the same. I know exactly what you mean. none of my family knows about either, and I can't pinpoint a reason I'm like this. I started cutting myself last year, and I would encourage you to not do so. I know how you feel when everything builds up and you just feel like you can't take it anymore. but although the cuts temporarily made me a lot better, you have to hide them later and then you feel so ashamed it makes you feel even worse about yourself. don't start down that slope because it just makes it worse, I would go for some help now before you get to the point where you cannot resist the urge. I totally get if you don't feel like you can't go for help because I haven't had the strength needed to ever go get help myself. but if you can, I know from others it can change your life for the better. i'm always here to talk as well! anyway, welcome to dt, it's a great site with awesome people who support you! sorry for the length of this, I know it's super long!

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From: Ajaradom
March 21, 2013, 2:28 am

 Unsuspected, 

I encourage you to see your doctor and tell him what's going on, and then see how he/she can help you.  The fact that you are here means that you are trying to find help, and you realize you need help.

Here is the contact information for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

1-800-273-8255 (TALK)    www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org  They also have a live chat on the site.

I hope you feel better soon!

Your friend in the journey, Lori



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'Do not go gentle into that good night....Rage, rage against the dying of the light....(Dylan Thomas, 1914-1953)
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