Productive Day
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By:
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sadviolinist
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Mood:
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Curious
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Date:
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Dec 10, 2012
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Music:
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None
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It
has
been
a
very
short
night
for
me....I
slept
hard
for
the
7
hours
I
got,
but
now
I'm
up
at
5
a.m.
I
guess
that's
not
so
bad
~
it's
much
better
than
2
a.m.
like
I've
been
getting
up
or
staying
up
until.
I
love
this
time
of
day;
for
me
it's
alone
time
to
think,
relax
and
do
my
own
thing.
The
only
thing
I
can't
really
do
is
practice
violin
or
viola
because
it
would
wake
everyone
up.
So
instead
I've
got
the
Christmas
tree
lit
up,
hot
coffee
with
peppermint
mocha
creamer,
and
the
night
and
me.
Yesterday
turned
out
to
be
a
fairly
busy
day
for
me.
I
didn't
have
a
whole
lot
of
energy
but
somehow
I
got
a
lot
done.
This
Cogentin
is
really
working
well
forme
about
getting
rid
of
the
restlessness
and
some
of
the
depression.
I
guess
I
can
deal
with
taking
one
more
pill
everyday
if
this
is
the
end
result.
The
only
things
I
don't
like
are
the
dry
mouth
(not
too
bad
though)
and
the
sleepiness
it
sometimes
causes
me.
I've
GOT
to
fix
my
sleep
schedule
~
now
that
Zachary
is
over
the
flu
I
need
to
get
back
to
a
normal
sleep
schedule
again;
otherwise
I
end
up
hypomanic
or
depressed.
When
I
don't
sleep
right
it
usually
kicks
off
an
episode;
usually
hypomania.
Anyhow,
we
got
up
pretty
late,
but
I
was
up
from
2:30
a.m.
until
5:30
a.m.
so
I
considered
it
to
be
my
right
to
sleep
in
since
we
didn't
have
Zachary.
Aaron
got
up
even
later.
After
a
little
while
we
dropped
of
some
things
at
my
friend's
house,
and
we
all
decided
to
go
out
to
brunch
together,
which
was
nice.
Then
it
was
time
to
go
pick
up
Zach
from
my
mother-in-law's
house,
so
I
had
Aaron
drop
me
off
at
the
house
before
he
headed
up
there
(yes,
I'm
still
avoiding
her
as
much
as
possible).
I
took
a
nap,
and
when
I
got
up
I
went
and
planted
new
flowers
in
my
garden.
My
Mom
has
a
35
gallon
aquarium
that
has
just
been
sitting
there
full
of
green
algae
in
the
living
room,
not
a
single
fish
in
it
~
so
I
decided
that
since
it
was
disgusting
and
such
an
eye
sore
that
I
would
clean
it.
Oh
man
was
it
gross!
It
took
me
about
an
hour
to
get
it
clean
inside
and
out.
But
I
got
it
done
and
we
sifted
and
cleaned
the
gravel
and
the
plants
and
set
it
up
in
a
new
place
in
the
house.
We
refilled
it
and
put
some
AquaSafe
in
it.
That
way
when
we
get
fish
in
it
they'll
be
happy
and
healthy.
After
seeing
to
that
I
ended
up
vacuuming
and
we
put
away
all
the
boxes
that
hold
our
Christmas
decorations.
Since
they're
all
up
now
(except
for
outside
lights)
we
don't
need
them
cluttering
up
the
living
room,
so
up
to
the
attic
they
went.
I'm
debating
on
whether
or
not
to
send
Zachary
to
school
today.
He
hasn't
had
a
fever
in
2
days
now
and
he's
not
getting
sick
anymore,
but
he
tires
very
easily
and
is
cranky.
I'm
afraid
that
if
he
goes
today
it
will
lead
to
a
relapse
and
he's
finally
getting
better.
I
don't
know
what
to
do
~
I
think
I'll
have
him
go
to
school
and
then
if
he
feels
bad
he
can
go
to
the
clinic
and
I
can
pick
him
up
there.
That
seems
to
be
the
best
scenario;
he's
already
missed
a
full
week
of
school.
He
needs
to
try
to
go
anyhow.
He's
only
got
a
week
and
a
half
left
of
school
before
Winter
Break
and
he's
got
a
lot
of
catching
up
to
do.
I
don't
want
him
to
have
more.
I've
been
feeling
down
most
of
the
day,
more
crying
for
no
reason
but
it's
short
and
sweet
in
duration.
Instead
of
crying
for
10
minutes
I'll
cry
for
2
and
then
I'm
fine;
weird
and
disturbing.
My
last
blog
brought
up
some
pretty
intense
memories
and
feelings,
and
I'm
currently
trying
to
work
through
those.
They
say
the
heart
wants
what
it
wants
without
reason,
and
I
think
that's
true.
No
matter
how
much
I
want
to
forget
all
of
those
past
issues
with
other
men
~
I
can't
get
my
brain
to
tell
my
heart
to
shut
up.
The
last
guy
that
I
randomly
felt
like
that
about
was
the
hardest
for
me
to
deal
with
and
NOT
allow
anything
to
happen
between
us.
But
my
heart
still
ocassionally
whispers
his
name
and
when
I
close
my
eyes
I
see
him
and
I
hear
his
voice.
I
can
see
his
beautiful
artist's
hands
and
the
length
of
his
fingers,
the
golden
hair
on
the
the
knuckles.
It's
driving
me
bonkers.
It
would
probably
help
a
lot
if
I
didn't
have
to
see
him
from
time
to
time,
but
that's
not
possible.
He's
my
old
manager
from
the
music
store
and
I
still
shop
there
when
I
need
things
for
teaching
or
upkeep
and
maintenance
on
my
instruments.
That
store
is
the
only
one
around
the
area,
and
I'd
much
rather
buy
from
them
than
get
it
online.
I
don't
like
ordering
things
online
because
I
can't
touch
it
and
decide
if
I
like
it
before
I
buy
it.
I
just
try
not
to
go
in
there
unless
I
have
to
now.Besides,
that
job
gave
me
some
bitter
memories
about
the
boss
there
and
the
way
he
treated
people
and
the
desire
to
avoid
seeing
my
ex-manager.
Being
near
him
for
any
length
of
time
makes
me
go
through
this
all
over
again
~
denying
my
feelings,
crying
about
it
because
I
feel
like
a
bad
person
because
of
said
feelings,
then
working
through
it
to
remind
myself
that
it's
okay,
I
didn't
do
anything
wrong,
nothing
ever
came
close
to
happening
between
us
or
me
leaving
Aaron.
I
remind
myself
that
this
is
part
of
my
illness
and
my
past
~
this
man
reminds
me
of
my
Dad
in
his
personality
~
at
least
the
Dad
that
I
loved
when
I
was
a
young
child.
So
I've
got
Daddy
issues;
how
many
other
people
do
too?
It's
not
an
unusual
thing
these
days
anyhow.
On
to
other
subjects.
Today
I've
got
to
go
to
the
petstore
and
get
more
rabbit
food
and
snacks.
I'll
undoutedly
go
look
at
fish
for
Mom's
tank
and
maybe
buy
a
few.
I
want
her
to
populate
her
tank
the
way
she
likes
it.
Maybe
I'll
just
get
her
a
betta
to
start
with.
Did
you
know
that
you
can
put
them
in
a
community
aquarium.
They
love
the
room
and
the
freedom
and
in
turn
they
get
large
and
beautiful
colors
and
fins.
That's
what
I'll
do.
Alright,
my
cup
of
coffee
is
getting
cold,
time
to
reheat
it.
I
wish
you
all
a
beatiful
day
ahead
and
hope
that
you're
well.
Love
and
light
to
you
always
~
Key
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