Depression

Thank you, Mart. I've been inwardly searching for a very long time, and as for the older, reliable, stable male qualities...well, that's what I'm looking for I guess. =\

Hi again..

Well ok, as I consider myself "motherless" in a kind of not loved way I can see where we might have something in common.

My needs revolve around not having a mothering mother, so really i often look to befriend strong capable women who might look after me in some way.  Clearly you are looking for whatever a father means to you.  Perhaps someone reliable and strong who will protect you??  I dunno how you see the fathers role.  There is nothing to say that we have to get these qualities from someone else.  We *should* be able to provide these things for ourselves, and if I work out how u r first on my list.. lol.

Perhaps you look for older men with their more reliable stable personalities and that is what this guy is supplying you.  It seems you have some inward searching to do. I hope u can get somehere..

Mart x

svisz02- I completely understand and agree with loving oneself, and I've been working on that all of my life. Thank you for putting two hurting people into perspective, it's almost helpless, that they cannot help each other.

Thank you for your time.

thedeadtree- I couldn't agree with you more on the depths of creation. I truly believe no one will ever understand the complexities of human life, let alone love.

mart9012-Ahh, yes. I'm going to say my situation/dependecy correlates to the fact that I was "fatherless". Which is something that I haven't encountered prior to intimate relationships.

emmajayne- Thank you for the welcoming :).  I've yet to fully understand why he broke it off.

PrincessB- Yeah, it feels like he's been stringing me along, sometimes.. but I honestly think it's much more in depth...not that I'll ever find out, and thank you for your advice, it's always welcome.

I felt that way. I'm 21 and for about 3 years it was all i could think about. But now I have moved on from that. I see that the real trouble in my life is so much greater. I have not yet figured out how to love myself... therefore I have attached myself to my current boyfriend. He is a good guy and I'm lucky to have attatched to someone like him rather than the other male role models from my past. I think that eventually, and since he is being inconsiderate enough to keep you hanging on, you will "get over" him, but will realize, that there is someone else you need to learn to love more. Yourself. I'm still trying everyday.

p.s. I do understand he is probably a hurting individual just like you, and for more than one reason keeps you in his life. But so far with my experience, I have learned that two people unstable as both of you are, can not help eachother.

I am more than double your age and have been married longer than you have been alive. Two of my three children are older than you. Guess what, love. I'm still trying to figure it out. You are never too young to love. Its just that a life time is not enough to understand the depths of the creator or creation.

Keep talking though. I believe that as you befriend some of the other gals here you will begin to find some of the answers with them.

Well i have had feelings like that for people.  Sometimes you can just get into someone so much that it is very difficult to let go.

All the same its wrong.  Those feelings you have are hurting you, they are misplaced because if he wanted to be with you he would be.  It must be fantastic for him to have this power over you, in some almost narcissistic fashion you are feeding his need and giving him the confidence to go out and do his thing.  I don't believe for a moment people are honest when they are drunk, he was maybe feeling a bit sad and turned to his "feeder" for comfort.

In some ways I wonder if you are getting something out of this pain you are causing yourself.  Perhaps there is some sort of dependancy here.  Sometimes we get this need to emotionally hurt ourselves, maybe in our depression or a state of being angry with ourselves.  Whatever you need to end this.  Because he has such control he will not change, he doesn't need to.  You need to change the balance of this, you need to be able to lose his number, change yours and take positive steps to properly move on and get some closure.  In a sense you are a victim and you need to get out of it.

Reading this, what do you think?  Am I way off the mark or can you see something here? 

Bless your heart, you really love this guy!

Why did he break it off?

Sounds like he has alot of problems, and that is probably why he cant be with you anymore, he needs to sort out his head first before commiting to you... or anyone else.

A break up is bad enough without seeing him every day to remind you he's not yours any more. Take a break from seeing him for a while, it hopefully will clear your head... as well as his.

Good luck babe xxx and welcome to the tribe

Well, without knowing what your relationship was like, or why you broke up, I can't really say "he's a jerk."  It does sound like he's not handling your post-breakup friendship very well though.  If he knows how you feel, and he calls you when he's drunk, etc...he's stringing you along.   Probably because he wants to keep his options open (date other girls, but know that he still has you waiting on the sidelines if he ever wants to hook up with you again).

I do know what it's like to love someone who is making you feel like crap though.  I was married to someone like that for 3 1/2 years.  It was very, very hard.  I don't know that I should necessarily give you advice, because we don't know each other, but I just wanted to tell you that I sympathize with you, and I can relate to how you're feeling.