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Slowing killing me
I
don't
know
how
to
describe
the
way
I
feel.
For
the
past
two
and
a
half
days
I
have
had
this
uncontrollable
anxiety
that's
nearly
immobilized
me
from
doing
anything
other
than
sleep
and
go
to
school.
I
can
barely
concentrate
when
I'm
there.
My
stomach
churns
and
my
heart
feels
like
dead
weight
in
my
chest,
beating
frantically
like
a
fish
out
of
water.
I
also
feel
myself
slipping
into
a
depression
again,
another
layer
of
madness
to
add
to
my
troubles.
Even
with
my
medications
and
talking
about
it
with
friends
I
still
feel
worried
and
full
of
guilt.
I'm
starting
to
have
thoughts
I
haven't
had
in
a
while,
and
they
scare
me.
I
know
I
should
see
my
doctors,
but
that
probably
won't
happen
until
another
week
or
so.
What
will
keep
me
sane
until
then?
I
feel
so
ashamed
for
how
I
am.
I'm
afraid
of
letting
people
see
me
like
this,
especially
loved
ones.
And
all
of
this
started
after
a
little
partying
at
renfest,
which
included
some
drinking
and
smoking
and
other
wacky
activities.
But
I
feel
the
more
sincerely
guilty
about
the
former
two.
I
guess
a
let
a
thought
get
out
of
hand
and
it
was
like
a
train
wreckin
my
head.
I
feel
I
don't
deserve
anything.
I'm
probably
exaggerating
things
and
being
over-dramatic,
but
it's
something
I
can't
help.
It
could
be
that
I'm
on
my
(gross
alert)
period
which
makes
every
bad
emotion
amplify
by
about
1000.
Every
hour
seems
like
a
struggle
to
keep
control.
Slow,
steady
breaths
seem
about
the
only
thing
that
works.
At
least
for
a
little
while.
Perhaps
I
should
start
going
to
sleep
early
or
something.
I
don't
know
what
to
do.
Behind
the
frazzled
nerves
and
anxiety
is
the
urge
to
break
down
and
weep,
to
ask
for
forgiveness
and
penance.
I've
been
told
that
this
is
something
that
I
must
do
on
my
own,
but
I'm
beginning
to
feel
like
no
one
can
help
me.
I
can
barely
help
myself.
All
I
can
do
is
try
to
stay
calm
and
wait
for
the
storm
to
break.
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