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Urgh

By: thesockqueen
Mood: Don't know
Date: Mar 29, 2007
Music: None


I've got a feeling this weekend is going to suck royally on so many levels. I feel like I have absolutely no friends right now. It has to be more than mere coincidence that every time I am unavailable at the weekend my friends have an apparently brilliant time, yet when I am WITH my friends at the weekend it was just 'average'. I hate having to listen to these people regale tales of their fabulous nights out and whatnot yet when I'm with them there's never anything to write home about the next day. I might just become a hermit and live under a rock..that's all I feel like I'm good for right now. I have no future, I can't get into a university because I failed GCSE Maths and due to my severe discalculia [number dyslexia] I'd have to retake the exam over a course of like 2 years. I just feel like I'm gonna be stuck in the same type of jobs for ever, never moving onwards and upwards, watching people I used to be friends with pass me by, getting promotions, moving away. Eventually I'll have nothing and no one. Everything I do I am always overlooked by somebody better..even at work the new guy got more shifts than I did for the next month. I work hard, so why am I never rewarded for it? I'm stuck in a rut with no way to get out because I can't count so obviously that makes me a retard and 'off the radar' so to speak. The guy I like at the moment has a girlfriend so there's no point even trying to get close to him. He's so sweet and nice, every time I see him I get a wink or a cuddle or a big smile. He always stops to talk to me, even if he's busy [he works backstage at the theatre where I work]. Typically I'm reading way too far into things, and now I'm crushing on him hopelessly, even though I know deep down nothing can or will ever happen. Why do I always do that? Go for guys who are emotionally unavailable, ACTUALLY unavailable..or both, in some cases. I just want to be loved sometimes, but every time I put my heart out there I have it stamped on by some heartless moron who cares more about his dick than someone's feelings [I apologise to any men reading this..you're not all bad ]. Meh, this guy [Colin] would never go for me if he knew about my past. I'm 'damaged goods' apparently, whatever the hell that means. Life is just pretty hopeless right now. I don't know why I go up and down like this..yesterday I was feeling blissfully calm and 'normal'..now I feel like a complete wreck


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Mar 29, 2007, 09:36 pm
Hey aww Im so sorry to hear you are feeling not so great now. Sounds like you got a million things on your mind..a lot to rant about and its unfair this new guy at work gets more hours than you! You sound like a awesomely nice person and I know Colin sees that in you.Sad that he has a girlfriend but Im sure he sees you for who you are and has the heart to try and cheer you up. Hm lol,you and I are the same..we fall for those who are not available and it really does suck and is a terrible feeling. Anyway take care hun and don't think too deep into things.Or put yourself down over them.You are much more than you think you are:D

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