a first
|
|
|
By:
|
samii
|
|
Mood:
|
Frustrated
|
|
Date:
|
May 04, 2008
|
|
Music:
|
None
|
|
|
i
have
never
written
a
blog
before,
but
i
guess
its
just the
same
as
writting
a
diary
which
ive
done
a
few
times
before
so
here
goes... am
sat
watching
the
full
monty
and although
ive
seen
it
goodness
knows
how
many
times
its
still
good.
i
think
about
the
suicidal
guy
in
it
-
as
soon
as
he
makes
a
few
friends
he
seems
ok,
if
only
it
was
that
easy..
for
me
although things
are
a
whole
lot
better
than
they
have
been.
but
i
am
still
plagued
by
'the
bad
thoughts'
i
wonder
how
long
they
take
to
go
away?
i
wonder
how
long
it
will
take
for
any
of
this
to
go
away.
this
last
episode
has
had
me
down
for
9
months
now.
i
am
well
aware
that
some
people
survive it
for
a
lot
longer
than
that
but
i
am
loosing
the
will
a
bit. but
while
things
dont
appear
to
be
getting
any
better,
something
is
going
to
have
to
change
as i
am
fast
running
out
of
money.
so
im
back
on
the
job
market.
at
22
i
am
well
aware
i
should
be
exited
about
the
opportunities
that
lay
in
front
of
me,
but
most
of
the
time
i
am
not
a
bit.
on
the
contary im
scared,
overwhelmed
and
so
so
frightened
that even
if
i
can
find a
job,
it will
just make
me
worse.
i
have
to
appologise,
you
have
caught
me
in
a
negative
moment,
well
i
say
negative
moment,
actually i
feel
like
this
most
of
the
time,
if
not
all
of
it...but
just
occasionally
i
feel
i
may
be
able
to
do
it.
and
i
get
the
exited
buzz
feeling...
and
i
so
desperatly want
that
feeling
more
often. but
i
hate
my
'negative
moments'
and
i
like
to
dream,
so
maybe
i
will
get
a
job...
hell,
maybe
i
will
enjoy
it.
maybe
it
will
make
things
more
bearable.
i
think
thats
what
my
psych
nurse
thinks
anyway.
maybe
i
should
be
more
honest
with
him
about
how
im
feeling
though...
wh
knows.
i
cant
think
of
any
real
conclusion
to
these
thoughts
so
i
guess
il
just
leave
it
that.
| 
