It's all coming back...
I
feel
myself
on
the
edge
of
despair
and
sorrow
once
again.
I
wish
my
thoughts
would
leave
me
in
peace,
if
just
for
a
little
while.
Just
when
I
was
starting
to
look
at
the
bright
things
in
life
and
not
feel
so
pessimistic,
my
thoughts
come
back
and
drag
me
down
into
the
abyss
again.
Well,
it
began
when
I
was
with
Mike
on
Thursday...Actually
I
think
it
was
the
night
before
that
because
I
was
on
the
phone
with
him
just
talking
and
then
I
kept
having
the
thought
that
I
was
bored
with
him
and
felt
like
I
was
stuck
in
something
I
didn't
want,
which
I
think
stems
from
the
fact
that
Mike
isn't
really
doing
anything
with
his
life
but
working
and
I
guess
that
bothers
me.
But
anyway,
on
thursday
I
went
over
to
his
apartment
after
my
final
and
we
were
just
relaxing
and
playing
around
when
I
accidentally
called
him
Josh
in
my
head...Josh
is
the
name
of
my
ex
who
was
an
asshole
and
I
have
no
idea
why
I
thought
of
him.
But
it
kept
happening
and
the
voice
in
my
head
kept
replacing
his
name
with
Josh
and
it
was
like
I
couldn't
stop
myself.
So
I
spent
most
of
the
day
feeling
horrendously
guilty
and
having
to
cover
it
up
because
I
didn't
want
him
to
know
I
was
having
these
thoughts.
They
just
kept
getting
worse
and
worse
until
I
was
thinking
things
like
"He
looks
like
a
Josh"
and
"Why
can't
his
name
be
Josh?"
and
I
just
wanted
to
die.
I
love
Mike
with
all
my
heart
so
I
don't
understand
why
I
am
thinking
of
this
guy
who
hurt
me
and
used
me
and
broke
my
heart.
Am
I
still
angry
about
that
fight
we
had
and
the
way
he
treated
me?
I
thought
we
resolved
that.
I
thought
I
had
forgiven
him.
Could
my
emotions
be
fooling
me? I
wish
things
would
go
back
to
the
way
they
were...
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