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love is blind...and stupid
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By:
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cynthiaz
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Mood:
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Don't know
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Date:
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Nov 19, 2012
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Music:
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None
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How
I
wish
I
didn't
have
feelings.
How
I
wish...
I
am
always
fooled
by
my
own
emotions.
I
fall
in
love
too
easily,
or
what
I
think
is,
what
i
need
to
be,
love.
And,
knowing,
inside,
without
doubt,
without
hope...I'm
forever
alone.
I'm
drawn
in
like
a
fool,
by
any
little
hope...and
always
let
down.
I
think
sometimes,
I
am
the
only
woman
who's
never
had
anyone
"fall
in
love"
with
her.
I
can't
tell
the
story
of
my
life
here...but
this
is
what
it
boils
down
to...
I
am
alone.
I
will
always
be
alone.
I
gave
years
and
years
to
false
love...gone,
nothing.
I
found
myself
alone,
always,
alone.
Except
for
this:
for
two
years
out
of
my
long
life,
I
did
have
a
love
that
I
cherished...someone
who
needed
me
maybe
as
much
as
I
needed
him.
I
won't
say
he
was
"in
love"
with
me,
but
we
were
happy
to
be
together
every
moment,
even
when
we
argued,
even
when
i
drove
him
to
pure
agony
because
i
am
a
crazy
bitch.
Well,
he
died
on
me...after
two
short
years.
he
was
all
I
had...all
I
had
to
keep
me
from
nothingness.
Gone.
I
swear,
i
still
don't
understand
it.
I
lost
all
the
meaning,
all
the
hope,
life
ever
held
for
me.
i'm
pretty
old
now..I'm
55
yrs
old.
I
go
out,
but
i
always
go
alone.
When
I
go
out,
men
look
at
me.
They
tell
me
i
am
beautiful,
gorgeous.
But
I
go
home
alone.
And
I
am
alone.
And
I
will
be
alone.
And
I
will
die
alone.
well,
I
just
figure
this...I
am
a
ghost..I
don't
think
I
am
even
real,
even
alive.
Anyhow,
about
a
year
and
a
half
ago,
I
met
someone
much
younger
than
myself.
And
I
told
myself
the
truth
about
it.
he
was
married.
I
didn't
want
to
see
him
again,
but
he,
I
suppose,
fed
my
ego...and
I
don't
know
what
his
motivation
was...maybe
he
wanted
his
mommy...
I
have
no
idea.
But
I
knew,
and
I
was
blind
and
I
was
stupid...
And
I
fell
into
this
trap,
set
up
by
loneliness,
set
up
by
ego,
set
up
by
lust,
set
up
by
flattery,
and
all
things
false.
And
it
led
on
and
on,
and
I
couldn't
tear
myself
away
from
this
craziness.
Well,
anyhow,
today,
his
wife
had
their
first
baby.
And
I
am
very
happy
for
this.
i
did
not
want
to
interfere
in
this
man's
life.
And
i
don't....
but
it
just
hurts
because...
because
I
am
alone.
Everyone
else
i
know
has
love,
or
has
family,
or
some
connection
to
humanity.
But
me,
Ihave
nothing...I
am
trulyan
island.
And
this
island
should
just
be
washed
away
in
the
waves
aroundit....
I
don't
want
to
exist
anymore.
You
see,
there
is
nothing
left
for
me,
except
me...and
I
am
just
hanging
on
to
nothing,
nothing
at
all....
Icount
down
the
days..
but
I
don't
know
how
many
are
left.
I'm
not
afraid
of
death,
but
I
am
afraid
of
dying.
Iwish
that
I
woulddie
like
my
loved
one...he
died
in
a
moment,
suddenly.
that
was
his
blessing,
I
tell
you,
because
Iknew
his
fears.
i
don't
know
what's
beyond
thislife.
to
tell
the
truth,
I'm
not
so
sure
I
care
much.
I
don't
tell
my
doctor
this
stuff...and
I
keep
on
living
most
of
the
time
like
everything
is
ok.
But
people
get
weird
when
they
are
alone,
alone,
alone...
there
are
things
you
learn
to
hide,
and
it
becomes
a
habit
to
hide
the
strangeness
inside
you.
I
try
to
findsomething
to
believe
in,
but
it
is
getting
very
difficult.
people
Ithink
just
sense
something
wrong
about
me.
I'm
not
sure
what
to
do
about
anything...I
just
try
to
get
through
tomorrow,and
then
the
next
day,
but
every
day
brings
some
new
obstacle...and
I
don'tknow
how
long
I
can
go
on,
and
I
don't
know
how
to
get
out
of
here.
That's
all.
I
just
had
to
unload
that.
I
will
go
on
tomorrow,
and
the
next
day,
and
etc....
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