Depression Tribe

i am a very fgentle, kind person. im easily taken advantage of becaue most poeple i know take my kindness for a weakness. i love the beach, nature, im very self conscious, my favorite color is pink and light blue.i really think tat im a leader...but most times i act the follower. i dont kow why i do that...becasue i dont liek following ,i was abused very badly when i was young..first by my father..he let a neighbor molest me for 2 years....then when we moved to the town we live in now i thought id never be rtouched agian...i was wrong..my mother got involved with a man that was into kiddie oporn...he had me in it for 4 years. its the one thing that i blame myself gfor the most..and the thing that huirts me the most..having to hurt other kids...they tell me it wasnt my fualt...i didnt tella nyone...its my fualt..i see the faces all the time..i see the eyes begging me no dont do this...and seeing the adults staring at us looking like we will kill you if you dont...what choice did i have????? im scum for it...plain and simple...i cant stop hating myself for what i had to do...i wont go any further.....just that im a very very hurt person...i dont have any faith in myself ..how can i have faith in myself when i was to fualt for hurting others that abd?????

motorcycles,the beach, window shopping, car stereos, walking(but becasue of my back being so bad i cant do it very mucvh)i like nice people, gentleness, caring, kind, thoughtful, unseolfish kind of poeple..i like women, i wish i liked myself mroe then i do.

mean peoeple, selfishness, mean, ignorant, poeple, onions, greedy poeple, there are really so many things i dislike that its to much to list....jsut i dont like rowdy, lying, ignorant, machoistic poeple.

gospel mostly...alternative, rock, some country, i dont like rap, exceprt like linkin park, stuff liek that,

i really dont do much reading....i cant rememe the last book i read.

mash, i really dont like much tv..or movies in genreral..i never know what im watching is goign to trigger me or not...i have so many issues that i cant take the chance of getting triggered...if i get triggered bad enough i self injure bad...so i try not to watch t.v.

writting, building computers, car stereoes, doing tyhem myself instead of paying someone else to do them..i like workign with my hands,i really dont have many hobbies..my back wont let me do much physical things..