The amount of anger I have had to deal with today has been incredible!! I noticed that I am not used to that emotion anymore! it made me feel supper uncomfortable! I was actually burning up! I could feel the heat from my own blood move up my body till it reached my head .. I could feel the steam coming from my head!! I went to my doctors visit to find out that the appointment was yesterday??? I was livid!! rage was pouring out my pours! I could feel that I was changing even though I said nothing for what felt like hours to the receptionist. but before realized what was happening i saw that she had a face of horror which brought me back, I was pissed and I was looking at her with her stupid look upon her face turn into a an expression of fear.. I had this heat coming from my body especially from the top of my head.. I felt like a pressure cooker about to burst.. But all the sudden I saw her expression and brought me back.. What was going on with me again?? I felt out of control, I hated this feeling that I was feeling again.. Something that I learned to live with before, rage, anger, is no longer something I want to live with! I can talk things out! I can express my feelings, I can even confront someone without any rage, without any anger.... I went to sit down to try to calm down.. It was my fault I must have taken the appointment wrong, Yes the office should have called to confirm that would have been nice.. I don't know how I lived with this for so long as a part of me.. I bed God to calm me down! to change my mood! to bring me back from this horrible place that I was at the moment.. I breathed and I tried to clear my mind of any thoughts, I felt myself coming back, I felt myself getting clarity in my thoughts.. I got up and I apologized to the receptionist, I was wrong! that wasn't me anymore! and I disliked what I had done and said.. Things that weren't very nice to say!! I was weak after that.. I took a lot of strength to get out of that mood! I could only explain it like the devil controlling my soul! I thought it had to do with the anger I went through yesterday! when I got hit at a red light.. Nothing happened to me of my car, but that the guy took off really really pissed me off beyond belief the amount of frustration and anger that I have been in.. Well friends for those who know me what little you know here is another side that I am not at all proud of.. but I am writing about to learn what and how much I have improved my life.. Thanks for listeningand leading me an ear.,
~Oly~
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