Sad day for me today.
Sad because my vacation is over. Mount Rushmore and Custer Park were wonderful. Wall Drug was kitchy cool. Reptile Gardens was fun – I can’t wait to go back there with my son in a year or so!
But now I’m back at work. And the mundane insanities of this place have brought me down quicker than I could prepare for.
I am sad because a friend of mine is sad and I can do nothing to help him.
I am sad because I wish with all my heart that I could now tell my friend to chase his dreams and follow his heart – go after the girl he cares for, without fear and with joy - without feeling a nagging twinge of bitterness that, when I did still believe whole-heartedly in such fantasies as love conquering all and spiritual connections, my flighty head was snatched back down to earth. The reality check was meant to protect me from getting hurt by chasing after someone who didn’t feel anything nearly as deep or true for me as what I was letting myself feel for him. It hurt and confused me at the time, but I will always be thankful to my friend for keeping me from irreparably ruining my life.
Gratitude aside, I am sad because my friend was right. Dreams are not real.
In dreams, the Prince is brave and true and would chase away any amount of dragons and danger to be with his Princess. He would damn the naysayers, beat the odds, and find a way to be with her. He would not care what anyone thinks of him or what the long-term consequences may be of living happily ever after.
In reality, the Prince is too worried about protecting himself and his precious reputation to chase away anything besides love.
In dreams, marriage is the crescendo of a long and beautiful song of love and connection and future bliss.
In reality, marriage is, at best, a mutual agreement to reduce an established partnership to writing for the purpose of establishing legal obligations and sanctions for the failure to meet such.
There is something to be said for living blissfully ignorant of reality. I hope to someday delude myself into once again believing in happily-ever-afters and true love and spiritual connections. In the meantime, I’ll live in reality. I'll learn to be happy in the life I've built. I'll learn to smile as if I mean it. To laugh as if I feel joy. And I'll keep taking my “happy” pills so I can be a functioning and productive member of this screwed-up society.
