Being depressed is anathema to productivity and labor. That is, it’s nearly impossible to be experiencing high-levels of depression and be productive at the same time. Sure, some of us struggle through depression and hold down jobs, go to the workplace day after day, forcing ourselves to meet the demands of our particular occupations. However, just as many or perhaps even more of us are unemployed or on disability, unable to earn a living through our labor, mired in the sucking quicksand of depression, and perhaps devoid of the dignity and self-esteem that result from a paid job.
Certainly, all of us struggle, in our own ways, with being productive and being depressed at the same time. For some of us, depression steals our motivation and drive to work. Thus, we feel like failures and losers. Others work harder, sometimes sublimating, other times simply repressing their depression into a constant frenzy of completing large and small tasks, becoming workaholics.
I envy those who are able to work productively or those who are able to simply stay busy, despite a high-level of depression. When my mood is particularly low, and I feel hopeless and miserable, I can’t work at my job. Rather, in order to work and write (I’m a professional writer), I must feel safe, loved, self-confident, and hopeful which are feelings that disappear when I’m extremely depressed.
Despite my chronic bouts of depression and my struggles with Post-Traumatic Syndrome, I am still considered high-functioning. That is, I’m able to maintain some degree of productivity for relatively long periods of time. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder II, which means that my moods cycle rapidly. Sometimes, during a single day, I go from the depths of despair and perceived failure to the grandiose feeling that I can accomplish anything. But most days, I struggle with low-levels of depression, which are better than the “manic” days which consist of intense and debilitating anxiety.
My mental illness is controlled by medications, which is the only reason why I’m even able to write this right now. When I am unmedicated, I can sometimes limp along in my life, creating an illusion of productivity and “normalcy,” but more often, I literally stare at walls, anxiously smoking cigarette after cigarette, trapped among the racing thoughts in my head.
Medications help, but in order to adequately manage depression, they must be accompanied by therapy, which is work; by eating right and exercising, which is work; by focusing on the positive and maintaining positivity, which is work; and by utilizing other ways of managing depression, which is work.
And finally, this is my point: Managing depression is work. It requires our very real labor to keep ourselves alive and moving from day to day. Consider for instance that in order to manage our depression, many of us must make and keep appointments with doctors, therapists, case managers, social workers, and other professional providers. I don’t know about you, but after sitting in a doctor’s office for several hours, waiting to be seen, it starts to feel like a job.
Or consider how much mental work is required to stay rational and positive when dealing with negative feelings that feel so right, no matter how much your rational mind tells you that they are wrong. Finally, consider the physical labor it takes to drag yourself out of bed, when all you want to do is to sleep and never wake up.
Yeah, managing depression is hard work. So, being depressed and being productive, while not necessarily mutually exclusive, require superman-like efforts on our part—plugging away every day at our jobs and daily tasks like Clark Kent, avoiding the kryptonite of negative feelings, saving ourselves from the life-threatening situation of mental illness.
Really, none of us are Superman. We’re simply going to our jobs every day, tending to homes, raising children, going to school, trying to live out some “normalcy” in our daily lives. Still, that we do these things, despite depression, is, in my opinion, an enormous feat of super-heroic proportions.
