Depression

I'm not competitive like most people are, I won't hurt people to get what I want. As such I rarely get what I want, and am seldom taken seriously.

Open minded, can be mega deep or really really not, whatever suits. I am told I am good to talk to but you have to bear with me, as sometimes I am AWOL for ages.

I am intelligent, caring and physically capable but I hate myself. I feel guilty all the time and am convinced that everybody hates me, after all if I'm half as bad as I feel I am, they would.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way



Trent Reznor

Being alone

All kinds way too much to mention.
In my car at the moment: - Prodigy - Music for the jilted generation

Loads - Cloud Atlas by David mitchell
Thomas harris, Aldous Huxley

Anything that isn’t all soppy love scenes, watching that stuff physically hurts.
Cool hand luke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Luckiest Nut in the World, way too many...

Outdoors (hiking, kayaking, fishing, camping etc), Learning, Diving (on the odd occasion I get chance), athletics (throws), snowboarding (see diving), writing, deeeeep thinking.

Tears of Blood	Self Inflicted Violence
Self Harm	Writing eases the pain